Sunday, June 7, 2020

6/7/2020


If my behavior were about my human nature, it would not be far from correct to call me a fool. And yes, that means there's a sizable set of luggage to unpack. 

Charity is not blind.

I am painfully aware of Einstein's definition of insanity, but life isn't like a scientific experiment, where replicating behavior step for step, you can expect the same result each time. Variables shift. There is no control. And say you repeatedly attempt to remedy a problem, each time with a different approach. 

I've blocked her on my phone and Facebook, and started writing letters. It slows the communication process significantly. It gives me time to think clearly and to carefully articulate my feelings. Our exchanges went well for a handful of days, but even this mode of communication leaves me vulnerable to hurtful expressions when my goal is to promote healing. I've tried. I've tried. I am exhausted. The universe knows I have tried. I only have to offer what I've already given. I am tired.

Her last message: Don't go away. I want you in my life.

I am left to weep.

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