Monday, June 1, 2020


A dating profile:

Gender: Fluid. I never know who I'm going to be, but sometimes it's male, sometimes it's female. Most of the time it's somewhere in between. I present femme almost always, but on my lipstick days it definitely feels like participation in social construct, and I've got no problem tossing out feminine stereotypes even when I'm feeling female. Just don't treat me like I'm not a guy—ever.

Orientation: I'm sexually attracted to people I find sexually attractive. I would say I have a type, sort of. But there are exceptions to those. I'm into minds first; bodies second. Most of the time. I probably have some kind of a crush on you.

Age: 45. I'm as developmentally fluid as my gender. I can usually hold my own with people younger than I am. I always feel like a kid around my peers and elders. Kids are awesome, but I think I freak out their parents.

Hair color: Salt, cumin, and cayenne pepper. At one point I was strawberry blonde, which is a gentle way of saying I had orange tresses. The aging process is presenting an interesting array of melanin production in my follicles. I haven't dyed my hair in five years. I don't plan to do it again. 

Eye color: From the pupil the iris bleeds out into a tawny aureola that bleeds into a light olive gray that is rimmed by a dark ring of deep sea blue. They sometimes appear blue, green, or gray depending on factors such as what I'm wearing, the lighting, and my mood. 

Skin tone: I am a white girl who has dallied with the sun. 

Body type: Athletic with plenty of evidence of childbearing. 36-28-38. Short, muscular legs. Strong feet and indestructible ankles. Mouth-watering calves. Thick hips and strong buttocks. Sensuous, slender arms. Long curvaceous torso. Shapely, firm shoulders that bear the weight of my head properly, and could bear the weight of a football player's head as well. That head is situated on a slender, muscled neck. 

Facial features: My nose refuses not to turn up at the end. It has character. High cheekbones plugged on to the sides of an oval. Full lips that don't necessarily want to be kissed, even if it looks like that's why they're on my face at all. My eyebrows and eyelashes are blonde. I use makeup to darken and define both. Besides mascara, blow pencil, and chapstick I don't bother with cosmetics. My forehead is lined from expressiveness. I wear the same scowl furrows that I was born with, and tiny crow's feet pucker the outsides of my eyes from years spent squinting into the sun. I've been told I am attractive, but more "cute" than "beautiful."

Personality: I am human. I run the gamut of emotions, sometimes situation-appropriate and sometimes not. I'm very good at most moods, although I admit I can be easily excitable. Like everyone else, I enjoy being happy. I'm also decent at lethargy and moroseness. My moods can change rapidly in response to events that may or may not affect others around me. I self-isolate and I like it most of the time. I get lonely, feel empty, or hopeless occasionally, but that's rarely in the presence of other human beings. I am fun-loving if not risk-taking. I suck the marrow out of life's bird bones. I'm intense, and I'm not going to neglect over-thinking everything. The following words can and have been used in reference to my demeanor: histrionic, melodramatic, deeply loving, passionate, intimidating, gracious, inspiring, resolute, determined, tenacious, annoying, loud, silly, immature, brooding, irritable, brash, light-minded, insightful, bright, clever, funny (on paper). My youngest son, when asked what three words he would use to describe my personality, said "mom, calm, and tomboy."

Interests: Art of all kinds. I love long hours alone wandering museums. I like the idea of creativity even if my own skills are limited. I play the piano, although not very well anymore. I dance, but without the range of motion I once possessed. I like watching other people do these things. I like music, my taste is eclectic. I wish I were kidding. I find live shows, concerts, and the symphony delicious. I especially appreciate street musicians and performers. I paint once in a while because I enjoy it, not because I have any skill. I like reading. I like the aspiration of reading. I'm into snobbish books, Pulitzer prize and National Book Award selections as well as some of Oprah's recommendations. I read poetry, but not as often as I like or as often as I think I should. I like reference books. I like academic journals. I enjoy the New Yorker, the Atlantic, and other such bougie periodical lit. I write every day, even when all I produce are Facebook status updates. Philosophy. I like moving my body. I could walk until my femurs ground down their sockets. If I'm exploring somewhere slightly sketchy on my feet, I'm a happy girl. Hiking is beautiful and meditative, and I wish I did it more than I do. Cycling has kept me sane since I was seven years old. I believe in going until you can't go anymore. I enjoy lifting weights, a lot. I intimidate my son. I like good food that other people prepare. Cooking is fun every so often. I'm jealous of those who are good at it to do it every day. I will eat just about whatever. I like Middle-Eastern, Indian, Thai, American Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Mexican, and Canadian fare. I like art films, dark, brooding dramas, dark comedy. documentary, shorts, gritty indie flicks, historically inaccurate historical epics. I'm okay with television, but I'm very picky. Very. Unless I'm intoxicated, and then it's a free-for-all. I dig people. I dig finding out about them, watching them, piecing together their stories, listening. I can handle being around them and giving my full attention for about two hours at a time, every few days. I rarely talk to anyone on the phone. I rarely hang out with my friends, even though I love them and think about them often. I'm cool with chatting up strangers when I'm out and about. When there isn't a pandemic I frequent thrift-stores, visit antique shops, and loiter at coffee shops. I love libraries for their ambiance and safety. I enjoy fairs as long as I'm alone. I like to be alone, I just don't want have to be.

What I have to offer: All of the above. That's it.

What I'm looking for: MYSELF

What I expect: Big, crazy, wild, kind, tender, patient, unfettered love. 

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