Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Four weeks ago, as the season exhibited her first mood fluctuation, a dip in morning temps, the vibrant ebb of chlorophyl on scattered leaves of canyon oak and sugar maple, that sense you get that change is imminent, I decided two years without lithium was long enough. No symptoms prompted my decision. No doctors or therapists. I woke up before beginning yet another semester of my undergrad, and chose to increase the salt in my diet. My skin is not on board with the decision, and I'm dealing with the acne breakouts that have always accompanied this medication. Otherwise, nothing else has changed. Not really.

The new schedule is difficult.

I'm utilizing an adult daycare facility for Mr. PNU on Tuesdays and Thursdays after he co-teaches Ethics and Values with Michael Minch. This gives me peace of mind that he's in good hands while I either write, research, study, or rest, whichever is the most pressing need. He spends his hours there reading and writing, much as he would here. The first few times I used the resource I cried, struggled through guilt, and ended up getting little done. After all, who passes off this kind of responsibility on others? That's what I asked myself at first. What kind of a wife asks other people to take care of her husband for her so she can focus on herself? It's a strange question, right? I've started giving myself more credit for what it is I pull off when I do have my husband in my care, because even then it's more than other wives and

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Taking a long hiatus...


Visibility is the problem.
I've thrived for the longest time by slipping through cracks,
going largely unnoticed,
seemingly as no more than an annoyance.

And while I don't think that's changed,
not entirely,
art and words do not thrive on the kind of paranoia
I experience
from being read regularly
by non-intimates.
And that's happening.
But before I go,
advice:

You must absolutely,
wholly and completely,
take yourself and the life you're living
seriously
at all times.

Change of Color
















Fall stock


E— released a small collection of musical shorts that are delicious to the taste. Listen here. I'd like to help him navigate toward college, but the current is slow.
Mr. PNU literally asked God to end my writer's block in our couple's prayer this morning. I think I know what's going on, but I'm not going to talk about it.
L— has found doing homework very desirable. A boy asked her out on her first date, in January.
B— is in the early stages of puberty and he's the most beautiful, genuinely kind and conflicted pre-teen ever.
M— is rocking her second year of college and grappling with artist's block that parallels mine. We console each other through mutual imposter's syndrome. She and her boyfriend Z— are considering moving out of his parents' house and into a place of their own.
C— is working as an aide for a fourth grade child on the spectrum. I think she did ComiCon this weekend, but I've yet to receive text pics confirming that she pulled off that fandom madness.

Friday, September 2, 2016

In which one of my besties gives me really good advice about not giving a damn in order to break a long dry spell since I'm Mormon and I won't just pour myself a glass of vodka


  • Today
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:53pm
    Trish Hopkinson


    or fiction if you like

    its the weird stuff we encounter, no matter how simple or mundane that other people like to read
  • Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen
    6:53pm
    Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen


    I'm too concerned with what my fiction is "about" and not worried enough about story.
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:54pm
    Trish Hopkinson


    yeah, I was figuring that

    thats what I meant about not caring
  • Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen
    6:54pm
    Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen


    I think I'm getting too caught up in agenda

    Yup
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:54pm
    Trish Hopkinson


    I do that too

    but I'm not near the thinker you are
  • Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen
    6:54pm
    Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen


    You're absolutely right. I totally care WAY TOO MUCH.
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:55pm
  • Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen
    6:55pm
    Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen


    And it's not like I have to turn out grad school worthy stuff every time. Even though that's what I'm expecting of myself.
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:55pm
    Trish Hopkinson


    you'll just wear yourself out

    for kids who don't give a sh*t and writing you can deal with later
  • Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen
    6:55pm
    Bonnie Shiffler-Olsen


    And that's what I'm doing

    It's ridiculous, but I've set incredibly high standards for myself that NO ONE but me is expecting

    It's a hard habit to break.
  • Trish Hopkinson
    6:57pm
    Trish Hopkinson


    not when you are exhausted and have better things to do

    its a prioritization problem

    you've only got the time and energy you've got

    decide you don't give a sh*t, and the priorities will shift to where they should be

    Bonnie's new mantra for fiction class... "it doesn't matter"

    or if it's more convincing, "it just doesn't f**king matter"