Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Application to the FP

We have a new bishop. He's very young, and I'd imagine overwhelmed because we live in South Happy Towne, a rough-ish Mormon neighborhood filled with college students, the poor, the blue collar, and a spattering of intellectuals looking to make the world better for the marginalized and the mentally ill. But this new bishop jumped right in after sustaining vote, and yesterday Church Headquarters sent me the online application for sealing cancelation. 

In between playing nurse, doing laundry and bleaching children yesterday I filled it. In retrospect, I should have taken more time. I've been nervous about writing the explanation for my last divorce, and once I'd rewritten it twice and finished the last draft it was several thousand characters long. 

Next, I was prompted to write my letter as to why I want a cancellation. That's the part where I got a little hasty. Why wouldn't I want a cancellation when I'm not sealed to the man who makes more sense than any other thing in my life? I cranked out something about how my last marriage nearly broke me, how it posed the greatest test of faith I've ever encountered, how I'd tried everything I could to make the marriage work, but that I got to the point that I'd rather die than continue living subject to abuse from my ex. 

And then I wrote a bit about Mr. PNU. I wrote how I believe we were lead to find each other. How I believe God wants us together. How I want to be sealed to a man who honors his priesthood, who honors my role on earth and the hereafter, who is my best friend and the kindest, most compassionate person I know. How it just makes sense to be sealed to someone who makes me feel emotionally safe adhering to covenants, and who brings me closer to Christ. I think now, after I clicked that 'send' option, that I was kind of in a hurry from the overwhelm. I probably should have taken a break, thought a little more carefully. Maybe I should have been more careful to craft the words just right. 

And then again, even though I didn't gush on and on about how much I love and adore my husband, maybe they were.

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