Monday, August 5, 2013

Love letter to a lab rat—pas de deux

To that one Buck (oh, cognizant one):

I'm not sure what you were going for in the maze today, but I'm assuming from your behavior that you, too, can read, and that you got my original letter.

Yes, it was good to see you too. But I'm assuming from our pass and go that I was correct in my assessment that while you can decipher written text, you are not capable of speech. I'm sorry if my approach is too traditional, but I've already gone so far as to write to you. I'm afraid you're going to have to devise some form of gestural communication, because your posturing and close approximation to my person while I am working on problem solution for the daily maze puzzle do not constitute enough of an effort on your part for me to speak first. 

Yes, I see that you are male and that the testosterone amounts in your bloodstream are not affected by the experimental injections. Good for you. If the affects of your close approximation to my person do not account for a similar result on my estrogen level I don't know what will. 

But, my dear hair endowed rodent, if the scientific overlords are hoping for further genetic specimens produced as a result of our animal instincts, there must be speech.

I am both a patient and ascetic rat; further proof of my rapid cognitive development. (Games are fine and dandy, but if we aren't at the same level you really must do your best to catch up.) Whether you learn to speak or not will not obstruct my daily presence nor performance in the maze. 

I will continue to note where you are in the task of our daily puzzles, just as I am certain you will continue to note my placement in the maze. We will cross paths, and no doubt you will continue to purposely scurry to and fro nearby as I exercise my powers of deduction. However, should you approach me again, sit within inches of my person and pretend to take a stretching break as you watch my work, without so much as the pleasantry of a hello, I will take you for no more than Beatrix Potter's Squirrel Nutkin. Have you read that book yet?

FYI, I am not attracted to squirrels.

Until tomorrow,
The Dam-sel

No comments:

Post a Comment