Monday, August 12, 2013

Canyon as mother

For the last six months, each time my woes have wanted to run out from beneath me, my feet have found their way within the walls of Rock Canyon. Countless times this year I have climbed, wandered, broken down on lonely trails and wept when only the creek listened and only the eyes of cautious wildlife witnessed my weakness. Somehow this Canyon coaxed prayers from my heart, from my lips that never would have been uttered otherwise.

I visited her again tonight, walking the miles from the Refugee Camp to the erratic climbing walls soaring hundreds of feet over my head in the darkness. This time my visit was a parting. I lay my hands against the remaining warmth of her rock face and bid a kind of farewell. While there is no question, I will return to climb her trails and explore the woods behind the great wall of earth's teeth that jut from the ground at her mouth again, it will never be as a refugee resident of Oak Lane in need of her amnesty.

Those jagged fingers of perplexed bedrock held me in a sling, stars and moon cradled me from above, and far out across the city the reflection of the heavens glowed across the body of the Lake.

My questions have not been answered. I still do not understand the whys to the challenges of my last marriage. I'm not completely certain of my role or purpose in life. I'm not sure why when I am willing to sacrifice so much doing what I believe I was asked that the offering was exacted from me in other ways. But the Lord is telling me in so many ways, distinctly so that I do not mistake the message, now is the time to let my Divine Parents care for me. Now is the time to let the love in. I am being rebuilt from the ground up, much like the bedrock of this canyon. I once laid flat and smooth. But the Lord intends for me to stand, and that takes some truly awesome rearranging.

A few months ago while I wandered the backcountry, high up in the canyon, this song began to play on my iPod. It's become a sacred moment and a sacred song for me. I've learned to regard my heavenly parents as the parents I was not given here on this earth, and that relationship is precious. This song played again in my head as I walked back down the trail in the dark this evening and headed toward the last night I will have need of Oak Lane and refuge.


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