Sunday, April 14, 2013

Help me figure this out

I've hand-bound two chapbooks. The cost of supplies for one book covered the supplies for two. Ergo, I made two.

I have to turn one in for my Poetry final, obviously. What to do with the second...? I just can't decide.

I would really like to give one to my Ethics professor, for a myriad of reasons. The first, that his class spurred so many ideas, was the impetus for so much of my work this semester. The second, even with awkward dynamics, his class was my favorite without argument. The third, Kant really did give me the missing gusto to even want to live after my hospitalization, and the continued lectures have kept me going past discharge. The fourth, if it were not Mr. PNU personally, but some other professor, and the situation were pretty much the same I would not hesitate in the least.

There are lots of variables as to why, but this entire semester dynamic with Mr. PNU has remained difficult to define. Teacher/student, friends, enemies? It's never clear. My friend Matt, who is an English major/Philosophy minor, told me that the two most screwed up types of people in this world are 1) Poets, and 2) Philosophers. Not to say that Mr. PNU is screwed up. I'll take full responsibility for screwball status. But that doesn't change that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I think I've figured out I can't read him.

So the reasons I hesitate:

He may think it inappropriate.
He may feel it inappropriate.
He may not have any interest in receiving it.
I can't tell from day to day who he is and what he's really about.

That said, I don't know which I would regret more. Giving the chapbook or keeping it to myself.

I'm in doubt.

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