I'm in a state.
Jell-O. Land o'Happiness minus tattoos and piercings.
I'm in this state so often that I must, MUST visit the coffee shop in town, at least twice a week to get a taste of diversity and authenticity. That coffee shop often harbors a certain guy pal of mine, who also TAs for a certain Ethics class that I walked out of almost two weeks ago in hopes of regaining some sort of blasé existence without it. Today, a grading marathon is going on. So far nine journal entries and one quiz. There are 15 more journal entries to go and my second essay.
And I'm certain the anxiety that I'm experiencing is nothing in comparison to the anxiety of the three gentlemen who are doing the grading, but I'm also certain the four of us are ready for it to all be over. For whatever reason.
I've learned that Mr. PNU is grading my journals AND he's reading them carefully, even though back in February I was told that they would be split up by the grading team and barely skimmed for keywords. I would not have been so openly frustrated nor flip while writing the journals in general had I known this was the case, but I'm glad I began editing myself, nonetheless. He left me a note, letting me know he was giving my entries a good deal of time. I hope they're enjoyable. I was a basket case this semester.
When am I not a basket case?
So I got my yerba maté (all the caffeine and temperature of coffee; not on the list of Word of Wisdom no-no's), said hello to my philosopher TA guy pal, and came home to continue stewing over how to get my mind off of ethics.
I thought this was behind me. I'm a little frantic that I'm living this recap.
The second TA, Adam, who made a brief appearance here a month and a half ago—he's a tough grader. He's a Rubix Cube I'd like to solve. We'll see who gets my essay this go round.
Why do I feel like my fists are clenched and I've got everything to prove?
This angst isn't letting up.
I'm going to take myself to Life of Pi. When I get back, I'm going to curl up next to the Toa Te Ching and hope it will hold me till morning.