Monday, March 11, 2013

Problems


(1) Standing in front of the Poetry section at Barnes and Noble, trying to decide between Pablo Neruda, Sharon Olds, Dylan Thomas, and Adrienne Rich. Buying Bulfinch's when you've sworn off anything Greek. You buy the Neruda too, but you feel guilty because you've shut out the ladies, and you are supposed to be championing the ladies. Your Women's Lit professor said so.

(2) Finding out, even after you took the Hume/Aristotle exam, that you still have readings and journal entries due in Ethics for the next week. Then, trying to decide how to best write your first entry when you are under considerable emotional strain and have absolutely no desire to discuss morality as determined by the faithful or the atheistic. Then, letting Mr. PNU have it, especially regarding his flip manner of assigning "homework" to decide the morality of adultery as if no one in his classroom could possibly have a keen frame of reference for that sort of thing. Finally, resigning yourself to a "Whatever!" attitude about the whole thing and telling yourself that you no longer care about Ethics at all, even though you do and you will continue to work your tail off to kill every exam, essay and assignment that will come your way.

(3) Crying. You do it all the time. Sometimes because you are sad and hurt, and the rest of the time because you are so tired you can barely make sense of consciousness. This makes smiling and acting cheerful in spite of trial a difficulty, but you're stubborn and you're dedicated to persist. When you cry and smile at the same time you end up with tears that slip between your teeth and your smile is salty.

(4) Your increased dosage of Lithium has aggravated your acne. This is a little known side-effect of the drug, but it happens, without mercy. Your chin is an Li war zone, and your prescription for Minocycline (the only thing that clears it up) ran out months ago. The last time you went to the doctor it was for that positive prego test, only the labs all came back negative. The NP on duty won't refill the Minocycline unless you go on birth control because she can't read the lab reports that say "negative" and she doesn't want you getting knocked up on this drug. You assure the medical assistant who calls that you've left your husband, you are not sexually active nor anticipate becoming so, at all, ever, in the foreseeable future. And frankly it would take an act of God for you to get pregnant. You're certain God doesn't have that in the cards for you. The medical assistant says she'll relay the info to your NP.

(5) You have six weeks left of school. You're shooting for straight As, but your stress level is about maxed, and this joke of a Spring Break is doing its best to kill you. You'll probably flip out in one or all of your classes when you go back. You're hoping this won't be an issue or cause problems with the Teaching Assistant offer that you've accepted.

(6) It's still cold. There's still a significant snowcap on the mountains. You're certain the only thing that will improve all of this is to start climbing.


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