Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Ghost baldness incident to soon-to-be exes

Is this my space for freedom, or is it not? I need to blow off a little steam.
I'm perplexed, and simultaneously I'm not, at all. I mean, we know the pattern of the perp in domestic violence cases. Without raping, they look to rape, to dismantle your control, to dominate in any way possible, even if it means yoking themselves to a marriage they claim they don't want so they can hurt you...
I'm doing this divorce pro se. I'm smart enough to navigate these issues on my own, but the behavior of the soon-to-be ex is growing repressive. You've all read; I'm doing my best to stay positive and to maintain an air of human decency in this mess. I'm not giving up that fight. But I'm at the point where I'm absolutely befuddled by this kind of behavior.
He's answered everything he can, both the petition for divorce and the request for the 90-day waiver, shooting noxious barbs wherever the opportunity presents itself, even if it isn't legally appropriate. Each rambling, slandering answer is concluded with "give her the divorce" or "grant her the 90-day waiver".
I haven't requested monetary compensation, all assest and possessions have been allocated/divided without dispute, there are no children and therefore no custody arrangements to resolve--our divorce should be cut and dry. But because of the soon-to-be ex's need to air his dirty laundry by filing these answers, the divorce is considered contested. In order to resolve a legal contest, he must sign a Stipulation that states he will drop the answers from record. Because they request no financial or custodial amendments to the divorce, these answers have absolutely no bearing on our case. But he WILL NOT sign. In fact, besides sending my half of the tax returns, he won't respond to my attempts at communication at all.
My next step is to arrange mediation, where they will tell him that if he has no intention to sue for me for financial compensation that there are no grounds for an answer and that the Stipulation needs to be signed and the answers removed. I already know he will not agree to sign, if he even shows up. From there the mediator will write a statement to the court that he is uncooperative, and hopefully the case will go into default.
Come mid-May at the soonest I should be able to procede with the final filing and this whole thing can be wrapped up. But the soon-to-be ex has his emergency brakes on and is doing everything he can to slow the process. Even though he says he wants the divorce.
I'm being bullied and manipulated. It's been that way the whole marriage. Not certain why I'd really expect the divorce process to be any different. I'm guessing that anticipating a mid-May divorce decree is wishful thinking.
I'm staying graceful, remaining calm. But my ghost is pulling out fistfulls of ghost-hair. You can follow the trail, like an invisible line of disappearing patience, wherever I go.


  1. He is a complete ass! Big HUGS to you. Stay strong! You are in my prayers!

  2. Thank you! Come see me. We can share some sushi.