Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The things I dream of...

If you ask, my prepared answer is: swinging like Foucault from a rope-swing strung in the tallest Cottonwood on Earth, the wind in my hair at 11,749 ft elevations (Higher), 60 degree temps (Higher), endless fields of grass, baring my soles, fresh-squeezed lemonade, and waves lapping at ankles and lake shores.

But I discovered myself today, lost in the motion of the pendulum after some 20 minutes--not a single peg fell.

And so I know that what I really dream of is the fourth floor of Happy Valley Hospital during halftime of the 2013 Superbowl. Three of us had sequestered ourselves to the quiet side of the psych ward, away from the chips and hubbub going on with the boy who is gay, who had a crush on the married man who wanted to be a chef, who just wanted to be a good Mormon father though he kept relapsing and ODing, and the twenty other cutters and Bipolars and Borderlines and pill-poppers and the God-blessed bulimic.  

The mood was somber in spite, if not because of the fact that we were anticipating going home in the morning. And this sweetly handsome twenty-something phych tech I'll call Rob came out with a ukelele and offered to play for us. For most of halftime he and another equally handsome if not completely snarky tech I'll call Dave danced and sang for the three "quiet" girls in the ward. Two of us had come with plans in place. The other was going to sport bandaged arms for at least another two weeks. 

But when you start to imagine those troubles melting like lemon drops--the abusive husbands, flashbacks of horrific childhood abuse, dissociative panic, relapses, the eternal anxiety--in some measure it does temporarily drift somewhere to the back of your mind, far, far away.

Sometimes I wish I could have brought Rob and Dave with me.


  1. I dream of checking myself into a mental hospital all of the time---just to have some peace and quiet and not have to deal with my life. I love this song. Thanks for posting. HUGS!

  2. The food's not too bad either. ;) HUGS back!