Sunday, January 6, 2013


I don't understand the Lord's methods, but I trust, one way or another, all of this will work in my favor.

I woke at 2:30 a.m. and with the knowledge that the pregnancy was going to end.

By 10 a.m. I'd begun spotting.

This time around, my husband dealt with the loss harder than I did. He broke down and sobbed, and I ended up holding him, telling him everything would be alright. I asked for a priesthood blessing, and he laid his hands on my head there in bed and offered the sweetest words of peace and comfort for both of us that I could have asked for. Afterward, he told me that he thinks the Lord may be putting us through this to break him. I feel like He is trying to break me. Whatever His motives, we are being humbled.

My husband made me toast and eggs for breakfast in bed at 1 p.m. By 3 p.m. there was no question that my body was passing whatever it held.

We spent most of the day in bed together, wrapped around one another, either sleeping or just being tender and affectionate. I asked him if we could just focus on us for the next while, and then maybe try for a "real" child in the summer. He said that if the Lord said yes, he would go for that.

At 5:30 p.m. we had accepted that in a weekend we'd been given the stress of an entire year. We showered, dressed, and drove to the University of Humble Pie to map out my classes.

My headache hasn't subsided, my breasts still enlarged and tender, I'm cramping and tired, and I feel as though I've been thrown into a brick wall. Otherwise, I am at peace.

1 comment:

  1. Sweetie!!! I feel so bad for you - but Heavenly Father knows what he is doing!!! I pray for you any comments I hear of anyone losing a baby right now makes me break down and cry!!! I just can't even imagine!! You are in my prayers!