All except for the philosophical conundrum, (which isn't really a problem on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or over the weekend) I laid it all out for my husband last night. I said it gently, but I said it. We had a constructive conversation about finances; the first in our entire marriage. It ended and I still felt like a grown-up. But I don't know that anything has changed in my heart. I don't know if he thinks anything is different, and I'm going through the motions of "wife" as expected. I'm doing the best I can.
A friend in my ward listened yesterday as I tactfully expressed my struggles. She told me, "Wake up each morning and tell the Lord, 'I will do this day, and I will do it the only way I can. Help me in that.'"
So here goes doing this day.
I feel guilty for not wanting more than I do, for not feeling more than I do, for not wanting to try harder than I can.
Help me, Lord. Help me in that.