I'm glad you're here.
You make it so I don't feel nearly as alone on bad days. You make it so I have someone I feel I can share my joys with on the good days.
This could be called the next chapter in a long book of rewrites.
I am a woman, a mother, an artist, a survivor of mental illness, a Mormon. The role ever shifts.
The last blog was doing well, but it wasn't safe for me to write there any longer. It was being used against me in a long string of manipulations and threats that have cyclically become my life.
I chose to be where I am, though there were plenty of crimson banners waving. To my defense, God never told me not to make these choices. But he was certainly upfront about the fact that life was going to be hard. I thought I could do that. I still do. But I need a voice, and at present I'm a little frightened to be open elsewhere.
I am living in a relationship that features bouts of emotional and verbal abuse, occasionally sexual manipulation, and rare-but-present domestic violence. And I'm done hiding the truth.
I love my husband. There are good days, sometimes weeks, and I'm not ready to walk away from my marriage. I know that will infuriate some, and I understand.
This blog is about my life, its joys and hardships, empowerment, and surviving.
If you care to read, I thank you. If you get frustrated and decide you can't, I thank you for being with me while you could.
You and I are at the same point in this journey; unclear where the road may go. But standstill is not my style. First steps are always the most uncertain...