My stipulations for returning:
*Counseling. Which he says he wants to get anyway, so I'm perplexed as to why he's not calling her up to schedule a time. I know denial is still battling for premium seating in his stadium of consciousness. I'm hoping he doesn't wait so long that tickets are sold out when responsibility comes to call.
*Read and process this. I printed off both chapters and put the pages in neat little page protectors inside a binder. I couldn't have possibly made it easier for him. It's still sitting unopened on his dresser.
Simple enough, right?
I stayed with him Monday and Tuesday nights. When I hadn't seen any progress I decided to go back to the townhouse with my roommate last night. My husband called and asked why and I told him as directly, and sweetly as I could that it felt as though my return was just assumed and that he hadn't done anything that I'd asked him to. As is his way, he shrugged my decision off like it didn't mean anything to him, but was sweet in return.
This is the waiting game. I honestly don't know how it will end.
Meantime, I think I ovulated early. Like around Thanksgiving. I woke up early Tuesday morning with a sense that something was different. I've been a little sensitive to smells, a little sensitive gastrointestinally, a little fuzzy down there, a little tingly in the breasts. I don't know what to think. I've been under a lot of stress. Sometimes the hormones do funny things to me when I'm under stress.
I'm going to University of Humble Pie in a few short minutes to assure myself that they've received all my admission materials. I've been approved for full PELL grant.
My husband admitted that he is jealous that I'm going back to school.
M— won first place for visual art at her high school for the annual Reflections Contest. E— is struggling to manage his grades and his life. L— tells me that the 10 minutes of reading from the Book of Mormon is making all the difference in her life. B— has the hardest time letting me go at night.
As mother and children, we're surviving on a single family prayer and personal scripture study. I think the Spirit and its guidance is and has been far more present in our lives than I've ever given him credit.